First of all, I hope I'm not the only one who thinks this way, because if I were, it would mean that I am very complicated and ungrateful, although I imagine that we all live different, but somehow similar, stories.
The only thing I can say about postpartum is: give it time. Every day is progress and every day you are closer to being a little better. I want to clarify that I did not have postpartum depression. That is another story and another much more complicated topic than what I am going to talk about - and in those cases time is not the solution but knowing how to ask for help.
By the way, if someone one day wants to talk about their experience with postpartum depression, we open this space for them to write.
Well, to what I was going: after a vaginal birth they tell you a lot that “in a few days you will be as good as new.” And yes, I suppose recovery with a cesarean section is very different, but so you say like new, new, no. Neither physically, nor psychologically, nor hormonally.
During my second birth, several things happened to me that made me think, “Well, couldn't I get something out of all this for the dad? At least one hemorrhoid? Because it was what occurred to me that I could touch him (ha!) since everything else - the worry about breastfeeding, the mastitis, the ultrasounds to see how the mastitis is going, the gynecologist's examination to be discharged when the last thing you want is to open your legs again, change your diet, breastfeed, etc. – he cannot experience it as a man.
For each woman, recovery is very different, it depends on age, her birth experience, the support network she has, the number of children, whether it was an easy pregnancy or there were complicated issues and a thousand other things, but we are going to try. Mention things you can expect postpartum in case it helps you prepare so that you are not caught off guard.
THE FIRST WEEKS
The wrongs . The famous misfortunes that apparently are worse with the second child. I didn't have any problems with my first child, but I did have problems with my second. They hit me in the early morning when I was finally trying to sleep and rest a little and I was writhing in the hospital bed. There are those who give it while breastfeeding since the uterus contracts and there are those who last several days.
Episiotomy pain . Pain and fear of making a wrong move that will not heal well. The truth is, it was more the fear that I had of what could really happen. The need to take care of hygiene and the fear that something could happen definitely decreased in the second postpartum period.
Muscle or pelvic floor pain. I didn't have this problem after my first pregnancy, but in my second I did and I even needed therapy. Sometimes, when you are not a doctor and you don't know what is happening, you are scared by pains that are new if you compare pregnancies, so I felt a little relief when they told me that it was something not so normal but it was not something to worry about, but to take care of. .
Lactation. They tell us, breastfeeding shouldn't hurt and I said, well am I doing it wrong? I checked, held and saw that I was doing it well, but it still hurt at first, and I didn't have any cracks with my second baby because I was informed so much and thanks to lactation counseling.
But if it hurts at first, you breathe and you cheer up because your baby has to eat and then it stops hurting, but then your baby lets go and starts again. And we shouldn't just talk about the latch, let's also talk about the let-down of milk, the thickening and the burning of the eyes from trying to stay awake in the early morning.
Swollen feet. When you think that your feet swollen enough in the last month of pregnancy, you are wrong. I wore compression stockings for 3 more days after leaving the hospital because my feet swelled a lot with my first baby.
Hormonal changes. Aside from affecting the way you feel, feel and think, you can wake up at night completely drenched in sweat. I think I experienced this more in the second postpartum period or I forgot about it during the first. Hormones are powerful, they can make us feel many things in a short time and they are what sometimes make us feel overwhelmed.
Someone told me that these feelings disappeared on day 10 like magic. In my first postpartum period it was magic and on day 10 I felt the difference. In the second one I think it took me a little longer, but I was calmer because I knew that at some point they would disappear. *If you think these feelings last longer than normal and you don't feel well, ask for help and talk to your doctor, your partner or someone in your support network!
Fatigue. I am (or was) a good sleeper and I can tell you that this is what is most difficult for me. It was harder for me with my first baby because I didn't see a way out. With my second baby I already knew that those long nights of waking up several times would end at some point, so I experienced it very differently, although it is exhausting. The strange thing is that, although you are exhausted, you are also happy and you also want to enjoy every moment of your baby and your other children.
Procedures. In my case, my IMSS disability procedure that I was not able to complete in time due to a misunderstanding. I had to go 4 times with this discomfort that became more intense on the way there. I had to plan the departure just when my baby finished eating so I could leave and come back before he wanted to eat again, but you get to the insurance and there is always a piece of paper that you are missing, I was never able to call to make an appointment because they didn't answer me... end. I remember that one of the times I was about to be seen and it was my baby's turn to eat and I had to ask my mother to give him formula. I was giving SCI and I started crying there in the IMSS from stress, anger and I guess, hormones.
The body. You are already starting to feel better and that is a relief, although other worries begin. You are waiting for breastfeeding to start doing its job and you start to lose weight. The tummy does not subside and you need to exercise, and although I do want to do it, it is difficult for me to find the time. You spread everything, the ancestral potion, the cream for stretch marks, the lanolin. They recommended hypopressive exercises to me and although I still want to do them, I haven't done them. What you do or do have to do is an exercise of thanking your body for the miracle of life, for what it is capable of doing, but sometimes you look in the mirror and don't know what to think.
Someone once told me, it took 9 months for your body to form your baby, give it at least 9 months to come back.
Return to work. The moment arrives and you feel anything but ready. You don't want to be separated from your baby, but then you think about it and say yes, I want a little bit, but deep down I don't. A mixture of strange emotions comes over you and you feel like you don't have the head to think about work, because your head is very busy with the schedules that you're barely doing, taking care of your baby and the stress that sometimes comes with that; pending at home, pending baby, pediatrician appointments, little rest, your other child, your relationship and trying to take care of yourself. This crisis in my case passed quickly, I suffered more than it cost me the moment I returned thanks to the home office.
Breastfeeding . I have never understood why returning to work is just when the baby is going through a breastfeeding crisis. I think that doesn't help at all, because breastfeeding is put at risk since it is not compatible with your responsibilities and on top of that you need the baby to eat quickly and that is when they start to get distracted the most. But after this crisis everything becomes simpler.
TWENTY-EIGHT WEEKS
You look back and think “of course I would live it again.”
The only thing I can say about postpartum is: give it time. Every day is progress and every day you are closer to being a little better. I want to clarify that I did not have postpartum depression. That is another story and another much more complicated topic than what I am going to talk about - and in those cases time is not the solution but knowing how to ask for help.
By the way, if someone one day wants to talk about their experience with postpartum depression, we open this space for them to write.
Well, to what I was going: after a vaginal birth they tell you a lot that “in a few days you will be as good as new.” And yes, I suppose recovery with a cesarean section is very different, but so you say like new, new, no. Neither physically, nor psychologically, nor hormonally.
During my second birth, several things happened to me that made me think, “Well, couldn't I get something out of all this for the dad? At least one hemorrhoid? Because it was what occurred to me that I could touch him (ha!) since everything else - the worry about breastfeeding, the mastitis, the ultrasounds to see how the mastitis is going, the gynecologist's examination to be discharged when the last thing you want is to open your legs again, change your diet, breastfeed, etc. – he cannot experience it as a man.
For each woman, recovery is very different, it depends on age, her birth experience, the support network she has, the number of children, whether it was an easy pregnancy or there were complicated issues and a thousand other things, but we are going to try. Mention things you can expect postpartum in case it helps you prepare so that you are not caught off guard.
THE FIRST WEEKS
The wrongs . The famous misfortunes that apparently are worse with the second child. I didn't have any problems with my first child, but I did have problems with my second. They hit me in the early morning when I was finally trying to sleep and rest a little and I was writhing in the hospital bed. There are those who give it while breastfeeding since the uterus contracts and there are those who last several days.
Episiotomy pain . Pain and fear of making a wrong move that will not heal well. The truth is, it was more the fear that I had of what could really happen. The need to take care of hygiene and the fear that something could happen definitely decreased in the second postpartum period.
Muscle or pelvic floor pain. I didn't have this problem after my first pregnancy, but in my second I did and I even needed therapy. Sometimes, when you are not a doctor and you don't know what is happening, you are scared by pains that are new if you compare pregnancies, so I felt a little relief when they told me that it was something not so normal but it was not something to worry about, but to take care of. .
Lactation. They tell us, breastfeeding shouldn't hurt and I said, well am I doing it wrong? I checked, held and saw that I was doing it well, but it still hurt at first, and I didn't have any cracks with my second baby because I was informed so much and thanks to lactation counseling.
But if it hurts at first, you breathe and you cheer up because your baby has to eat and then it stops hurting, but then your baby lets go and starts again. And we shouldn't just talk about the latch, let's also talk about the let-down of milk, the thickening and the burning of the eyes from trying to stay awake in the early morning.
Swollen feet. When you think that your feet swollen enough in the last month of pregnancy, you are wrong. I wore compression stockings for 3 more days after leaving the hospital because my feet swelled a lot with my first baby.
Hormonal changes. Aside from affecting the way you feel, feel and think, you can wake up at night completely drenched in sweat. I think I experienced this more in the second postpartum period or I forgot about it during the first. Hormones are powerful, they can make us feel many things in a short time and they are what sometimes make us feel overwhelmed.
Someone told me that these feelings disappeared on day 10 like magic. In my first postpartum period it was magic and on day 10 I felt the difference. In the second one I think it took me a little longer, but I was calmer because I knew that at some point they would disappear. *If you think these feelings last longer than normal and you don't feel well, ask for help and talk to your doctor, your partner or someone in your support network!
Fatigue. I am (or was) a good sleeper and I can tell you that this is what is most difficult for me. It was harder for me with my first baby because I didn't see a way out. With my second baby I already knew that those long nights of waking up several times would end at some point, so I experienced it very differently, although it is exhausting. The strange thing is that, although you are exhausted, you are also happy and you also want to enjoy every moment of your baby and your other children.
THIRD AND FOURTH WEEK
Procedures. In my case, my IMSS disability procedure that I was not able to complete in time due to a misunderstanding. I had to go 4 times with this discomfort that became more intense on the way there. I had to plan the departure just when my baby finished eating so I could leave and come back before he wanted to eat again, but you get to the insurance and there is always a piece of paper that you are missing, I was never able to call to make an appointment because they didn't answer me... end. I remember that one of the times I was about to be seen and it was my baby's turn to eat and I had to ask my mother to give him formula. I was giving SCI and I started crying there in the IMSS from stress, anger and I guess, hormones.
The famous hemorrhoids. In my case, I hoped to feel good by then. I had taken all the precautions I took in the first postpartum period and more. I took a mild laxative from day one so that the famous postpartum “friends” wouldn't visit me like they did during the first one. I began to have a lot of discomfort that I attributed to “friends” but during my quarantine visit I discovered that it was not just that but that I had something in the episiotomy. Seriously, I exploded, I thought, is it serious that the woman should carry everything? Why don't my husband's “friends” visit him? I already wanted to feel good so I could be good for my children. I had to take antibiotics, change my diet, it was very annoying to get up at night when I had to breastfeed, sitting was torture and I spent a lot of time sitting feeding my baby.
Lactation. You do an ultrasound and it turns out that the risk of mastitis has not completely disappeared, you have to take another medication and if you are not cured they tell you that you will probably have to stop breastfeeding and a part of you says “no, I want to give it more time ” and another says “now that they suspend it.”
WEEK SIX AND ONWARDSThe body. You are already starting to feel better and that is a relief, although other worries begin. You are waiting for breastfeeding to start doing its job and you start to lose weight. The tummy does not subside and you need to exercise, and although I do want to do it, it is difficult for me to find the time. You spread everything, the ancestral potion, the cream for stretch marks, the lanolin. They recommended hypopressive exercises to me and although I still want to do them, I haven't done them. What you do or do have to do is an exercise of thanking your body for the miracle of life, for what it is capable of doing, but sometimes you look in the mirror and don't know what to think.
Someone once told me, it took 9 months for your body to form your baby, give it at least 9 months to come back.
The VoBo. Your doctor checks you and gives you the go-ahead to exercise, have sex, and return to your normal life, but are you really ready? Actually, do you have time and courage? That's another thing…
TWELVE WEEKSReturn to work. The moment arrives and you feel anything but ready. You don't want to be separated from your baby, but then you think about it and say yes, I want a little bit, but deep down I don't. A mixture of strange emotions comes over you and you feel like you don't have the head to think about work, because your head is very busy with the schedules that you're barely doing, taking care of your baby and the stress that sometimes comes with that; pending at home, pending baby, pediatrician appointments, little rest, your other child, your relationship and trying to take care of yourself. This crisis in my case passed quickly, I suffered more than it cost me the moment I returned thanks to the home office.
Breastfeeding . I have never understood why returning to work is just when the baby is going through a breastfeeding crisis. I think that doesn't help at all, because breastfeeding is put at risk since it is not compatible with your responsibilities and on top of that you need the baby to eat quickly and that is when they start to get distracted the most. But after this crisis everything becomes simpler.
TWENTY-EIGHT WEEKS
You look back and think “of course I would live it again.”
All. The happiness and love that all this brings you is a thousand times greater than what I could have experienced in 12-16 weeks.